


It's Better This Way.

by fandomismyship



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenage Sam, Death, Depression, I don't know how to tag this, It's different from anything I've written tbh, M/M, Marriage, Self-Harm, Sort of attempted suicide?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:06:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3555431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomismyship/pseuds/fandomismyship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Once upon a time things had been good. Once upon a time fairtytales had been true. Once upon a time… Well, once upon a times are lies. There aren't happy endings, not really."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Better This Way.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know

Once upon a time things had been good. Once upon a time fairtytales had been true. Once upon a time… Well, once upon a times are lies. There aren’t happy endings, not really.  People will lie time after time and try to convince you that there is a rainbow after the storm, but it is a bunch of bullshit. Sam had learnt the hard way, after his mother had died and he was barely able to lift his own head. Life wasn’t fair, that was the end of it all, there was no room to argue that point.

It took years for Sam to find a way to be able to cope with the numbness of his own body, of his own mind. Pain. Pain always helped, it always made him feel _something_ , which was much better than nothing. Right? The only problem with the pain was hiding it from Dean. Sam didn’t give a shit if his Dad found out, Hell, his Dad would probably say he wasn’t cutting deep enough. Dean finding out would mean that Sam would have to give it up and explain to Dean why he did it.

Why did he do it? Sam wasn’t too sure. He was sad, sure, but was that really enough of a reason to harm oneself? Sam guessed he just needed to feel real. Sometimes it was as if he wasn’t here, as if his whole life had been one dream after another.

Whatever the reasons behind it, it led Sam to where he was now. A sharp knife his Dad had given him to kill Demons with was in one hand, a can of beer in the other. Sam was glad he was tall enough to pass for older than his seventeen-year old label would allow.

“It’s not going to help anything,” a voice said suddenly, making Sam jump and nearly spill his beer down himself. “Pain is only there for a  moment. You need something more… permanent.”

Sam eyed the other curiously, his knife gripping harder onto his knife as he got up and pointed it at him. “Who the Hell are you? How did you get in?” The sandy haired man sighed softly, rolling his eyes and stepping towards the other. “Hey! Stay still!”

“Is this really where your mind goes, Sammy?” the stranger asked, sadness dripping in his voice. How did he know who he was? “Did this all mess you up this much, Sammy? I’ve never seen… something as sad as this. Not in these circumstances.

“What circumstances?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.” Gabriel moved slowly to stand in front of Sam, taking the knife from the others hands and smiling sadly at him. “There we go. I’m Gabriel, I’m your… Guardian Angel.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at the now named man before shaking his head slowly. Angels didn’t exist. Sure, Demons did, but Angels? Come on, nobody could believe _that_. Just as the thoughts ran through his head, great golden wings moved out and brushed against the sides of the motel room and Sam had to hold back a gasp. “Well. I guess I was wrong.”

Gabriel let out a small laugh, nodding. “That you were, Moose, but I suppose I can forgive you.”

Why are you here?” Sam asked as Gabriel tucked his wings behind his back again. “You knew what I was going to do, so you must have been watching me for a while?”

“Well, actually, I only know what you do. Up there.” Gabriel pressed two fingers to Sam’s forehead before he moved it to run through the others brown locks. “I’m here because you want to save yourself.”

A memory flashed through Sam’s eyes, one of him with an old man sitting in a chair across from him and the teenager tumbled back. “I… I don’t like this.”

“I know, Sammy. It’s not very nice, is it?” Gabriel gave the boy a sad smile before clicking his fingers, a TV appearing before them. “Everything you need to know is on there. You can either continue doing what you were, or watch it.” Deep down, Sam wanted to watch the TV, he did. The boy stared into the black screen before shaking his head. If Sam backed out now, he’d have to know why he was here, and then he’d see Dean or somebody and stick around. That’s not what Sam wanted, not at all.

Gabriel watched Sam and closed his eyes softly, trying not to let any emotion flood through him. The man had given Sam the choice, he’d let him have the chance to see what was to come, but the boy had rejected it, and that was that. Gabriel had already lived out Sam’s future, had already been permitted to see what it would be like. Yes, he’d lied and told Sam he was a part of his mind, but in some way; Gabriel was. “Okay, then it’s settled.”

“What’s settled?”

“If you commit suicide, you won’t be allowed into Heaven, and you’ve done far too much for this world for me to let that happen.” Gabriel held onto the knife tightly and looked into Sam’s eyes. “Are you sure about this?”

Sam tilted his head in confusion. What the Hell was wrong with this Angel? “What are you going on about? Am I sure about what?”

“About greeting me,” a spine-chilling-voice said behind him. “Sam Winchester, son of Mary and John Winchester, brother of Dean Winchester and a future lover.” Death laid his eyes on Sam for a moment before he looked at Gabriel, the Angel looking away. “Gabriel here is giving you a choice. Either you go on living or you come with me. I’ll take you away from this pain and your soul will be sent to Heaven.”

Sam looked at both the Angel and the man Sam could only guess was Death. Who would’ve guessed Death was actually a man? All the images showed a skeleton in a hooded figure, but this… this was much more terrifying. Maybe the sight of an old man brought comfort to some, but it made Sam pause. Was he really ready for this? To be given a choice of life or Death, at the age of sixteen, is a taunting task.

Sam moved to his bedside table and picked up a pad of paper and a pen before starting to write down two lists;

_ Reasons to live: _

_Dean would be sad if I died.  
Mom died for me, would her death be worth it if I ended it now?_

_~~I’m scared to die.~~ _

Reasons to die:  
  
_Dean doesn’t need me._  
 _Dad hates me._  
 _I was the cause of Moms death._  
 _I have ~~only a few~~ no friends to care about my death._  
 _Dean and Dad would have more money._  
 _I’m useless._  
 _I cause people lots of pain._  


Sam stared at the list before looking towards Gabriel. “Will you do it?” The Angel nodded his agreement and walked up to Sam, ruffling his hair. “Thank you.”

Gabriel watched Sam lay back, remembering the times he had watched Sam do that, all the times he’d then climbed on top of the taller man and had kissed him until Sam laughed and made them part. If only Gabriel had left that path of Sam’s life alone, this wouldn’t hurt so much. Either way, this how everything would end. With Sam dying. In the time he spent his life with Sam, the other had been killed by a rogue Demon whilst they were out at the park with their daughter. Someone had managed to open the doors of Hell once more and it was soon discovered that Sam’s fate would never change. The man was destined to die by the hands of a Demon and Gabriel wanted to change that now, if he could. It was either make Sam see the life he could have if he stopped hunting, the life _they_ could have now, or… let Sam die now.

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered, looking down at his lover, slowly moving down and pressing a light kiss to the teenagers forehead. “I will always love you.” Gabriel didn’t waste another moment before pushing the knife deep into Sam’s stomach, hearing the other gasp and cry out in pain.

With a nod towards Death and a click of his fingers, Gabriel found himself at Sam’s grave. The Angel ran his fingers slowly along the cold stone and felt a tear slip down his cheek. “It was better this way,” he whispered to the stone. “This is the way you save so much pain, Sammy. I’ll always love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this wasn't too good but it took, like, half an hour, so I'm posting it.


End file.
